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Absence makes the heart grow fonder/The worst blog post you’ve ever read

February 20, 2012

This is just a short post. All is good in the hood but I’m moving to London so things are crazy which has led to neglect of WordPress. It’s terrible. I’m so out of date with blogs that I’ve got no idea which classes of people Mitt Romney doesn’t care about this week. I had to read a newspaper to keep up with the news, ridiculous, I didn’t even know papers still existed. I was genuinely shocked at the array of newspapers my local shop stocked given that I don’t know anyone who reads them. Our village has about three hundred people in it and there were at least that many papers in the shop. I hope they recycle all the unsold ones but even still I think I’ve uncovered some sort of conspiracy that’s causing the economic crisis. Unfortunately I’m moving to London so I can’t chart the increases and decreases of papers in the shop and compare it to the FTSE and Dow Jones over the next few weeks to confirm my theory. Trust me though, Rupert Murdoch is up to something.

Look at his threatening pose. He eats people like you for breakfast, after liquidising you first so he doesn't have to chew. (Picture from the Guardian)

I feel like my absence from WordPress has done me the world of harm. I’d grafted away to trick a few people in to thinking that I had things to say that were funny or interesting or made them hungry. That’s right, I used the weapon of delicious food to attract people to my blog. I promise you that as soon as I can get my internet set up in the new pad I’ll have something to write that is worth reading. Originally I wrote something to say that is worth hearing but that was insane, what a fool I am. I’m typing so fast right now and I’m sure that it comes across to anyone reading/hearing this that I’ve got absolutely no purpose in what I’m writing/saying.

Just so I accomplish at least one thing in this, the world’s worst blog post, I’ve decided to assuage the masses and accept some thing/award/thing that means I have to tell people stuff. Fortunately I’m typing so fast that I’m going to have to do an express version of it.

These are the rules and my reaction to the rules


1) Add the Versatile Blogger Award to your post. I don’t know what this means so…no. 

2) Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog. Thank you to Cristy Carrington Lewis. I wasn’t watching the grammy’s or I’d have nabbed one of their thank you speeches. I feel like I should say I’m blessed because people do that a lot. I’m blessed. CLICK TO READ HER BLOG AND STOP READING MINE BECAUSE I’VE NOTHING OF VALUE TO SAY TONIGHT 

3) Share 7 completely random pieces of information about myself. Completely random. Challenge accepted.

I blatantly chose this image because it matches the Murdoch pointing thing a bit. Picture from

4) Include this set of rules in your post. I’d done this before I read this rule. 

5) Nominate 10 fellow bloggers for The Versatile Blogger Award in this post. I’m going to duck out of this one by saying that anyone who has ever commented on my blog has shown a level of versatility that deserves the bequeathing of this award. They have shown versatility by not just blogging, but clicking on other blogs, reading them and commenting. Kudos.

6) Notify each of the nominees by posting a comment on each of their blogs. Y’know this reminds me of when I received chain mails about 9 years ago. What happened to them, why do I no longer receive emails that say ‘If you don’t pass this on to 7 people you’ll be fondled by a zombie in the middle of St Swithin’s day’. 

That random 7 things part

1. I have a cow onesie. It is both hilarious and comfortable.

2. I’m afraid to use the word nonchalant in real life because people pronounce it in so many different ways that I’m not certain which way to say it.

3. I frequently put myself off eating meat by thinking about what actual bit of the animal I’m eating. I mean, when you eat a chicken breast you’re not eating fat, or cartilage, or skin, you’re eating a muscle. What the hell, a muscle, imagine eating a bicep.

4. My favourite board game is Cranium and if you disagree you’re wrong.

5. My pet hate is people spelling the word lose ‘loose’. I say pet but that makes it sound playful. My explosive hate is people spelling the word lose ‘loose’.

6. I like portraying myself as a ladies’ man to nerds because they buy it and others don’t. This is because I’m a nerd.

7. I often convince myself that if I put my mind to something I can do it. There have been times where I’ve honestly believed I could play at Wimbledon or win the London Marathon. I generally accomplish very little as you can tell by reading this post.

Now time to quickly proof read this and add a few pictures to make it seem more interesting. Psychology. I promise I’ll be better next time.


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